His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
