captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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