Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
