You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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