Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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