i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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