Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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