All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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