why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
