Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
