I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
