That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
