forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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