I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
