sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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