The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
