Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
