Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
