shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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