What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
