He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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