as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
