My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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