he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
