If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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