Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
