Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
