I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
