That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
