Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
