God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
