dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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