Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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