He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
