You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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