Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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