thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
