Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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