so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
