just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
handjob tips. give me some.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
