Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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