it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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