i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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