i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
