I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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