he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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