All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
