Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize