I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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