if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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