How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
