i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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