How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
