When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
