Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
