Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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