I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
