i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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