Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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