Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
