I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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