So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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