I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
