Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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