i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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