And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
