ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
