I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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