hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
