dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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