Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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