That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
