I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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