forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
