when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
