everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
