the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
4 words: hood of his car
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
