so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Semen is not good for contacts.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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