That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
