I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
