And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Shame is for Republicans.
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