i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
