I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
