my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
