sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
