Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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