I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
