I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
