It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
